Men Over 40 - Dating #2

Men over 40 ... Dating Part 2

So yesterday we looked at dating and mainly 'on line' dating.

Today we going to look at the best current sites.

1. eHarmony

How does it work? If you are serious about looking for that special thing called love, then this is the site for you. eHarmony take this match-making lark very seriously, making them one of the best online dating sites around. They’ve even patented The eHarmony Compatibility Matching System. That’s right. They’ve taken 35 years of research to come up with a Relationship Questionnaire and pride themselves on matching users with people who are actually compatible with them.

How much does it cost? £9.95 per month.

The experts say: This is a great site for those who are looking for personality matching. eHarmony takes the hard work out of trolling through 100s of photos and delivers compatible dates directly to your inbox. This site provides quality over quantity and is great for those looking for a long term relationship.

2. match.com

How does it work? match is the most widely-used dating site in the world and has nearly 1.8 million subscribers. It works in the most traditional way: Simply create a profile, check out your potential matches, send them a few messages and then arrange to meet for a date. There are also various off-shoots of match.com with microsites for gay and lesbian dating, Asian dating, Christian dating and Polish dating. The love-gods at match also arrange singles events and provide online dating advice, so it’s easy to see what makes them one of our best online dating sites.

How much does it cost? £12.99 per month for a 6-month membership.

The experts say: For those nervous about dating, this site puts the control in your fingertips allowing you access to thousands of profiles and the ability to chat to potential dates at the rate which works for you. It is well known and therefore attracts a wide demographic, allowing you to widen your dating pool or limit it with their advanced matching facility.

3. Lovestruck

How does it work? Lovestruck helps you target potential partners according to location and it covers many of the major cities across the world. It’s aimed at time-starved professionals, who due to busy work and social lives simply don’t have the time to date. Lovestruck helps put you in touch with people who are near you – be it where you work or live – to save you precious minutes or hours travelling to and from a date. The site also hosts regular events which are a fun, relaxed way to meet people.

How much does it cost? A minimum of £16 per month.

The experts say: Perfect if you are looking for love in the city and want to approach dating with an informal first meet in your lunch break or after work. It takes the travel out of dating especially with its tube station search parameter.

4. DatingDirect.com

How does it work? There are no gimmicks or USPs with DatingDirect. In fact, it’s fairly similar to our old friends Match, mentioned above. You can start looking at potential dates for free, then when you like the look of someone and fancy striking up a conversation, you need to subscribe. Like a lot of the best online dating sites, it also has a handy instant messenger service which makes chatting to your matches easy and breezy.

How much does it cost? £12.99 per month for a 6 month membership.

The experts say: This site is owned by the dating giant MEETIC and gives you access to 20 million members across Europe and it also merged with Match.com in 2009. A daily email suggests six members you might be interested in, which is a useful feature that doesn’t feel like you’re being bombarded but provides you enough choice to find a compatible date.

5. PARSHIP.co.uk

How does it work? This is sold as a serious online dating site for ‘discerning singles.’ A bit like eHarmony, PARSHIP uses a patented test, this time called The PARSHIP principle®, which analyses 32 personality traits and is based on an algorithm of 136 rules. It sounds complicated, but that’s not for you to worry about. Just sign up, do the test and get chatting to all those love-compatible people out there.

How much does it cost? Minimum of £14.90 per month.

The experts say: One of the best online dating sites for those looking for long-term relationships with professional people, users complete a personality test to measure compatibility with potential dates using psychometric analysis. Functionality is limited as the site is more geared up to helping you find a long term partner rather than flirting randomly with people you like the look of. Members have similar incomes and education. There is also a specific gay version of the site for those looking for a serious committed relationship with a same sex partner.

6. PlentyofFish

How does it work? Plenty of Fish works by asking users to take a special POF Relationship Chemistry Predictor test, which measures self-confidence, family-orientation, self-control, social dependency and easygoingness. You’re then matched to those most compatible to you.

How much does it cost? It’s free!

The experts say: This is great if you want free access to a large database of single people. It has a compatibility matching system that includes areas such as self-confidence, openness and family. A great starting point for people who have not tried online dating before and want to try it for free.

7. Mysinglefriend.com

How does it work? Mysinglefriend.com is the brainchild of TV presenter Sarah Beeny and it works by each member on the site being put forward and described by a friend. The site aims to get rid of the ‘cringe factor’ associated with having to big yourself up through your online profile and makes it more of a fun community, where like-minded people can chat, meet and potentially fall in lurve.

How much does it cost? £13 per month.

The experts say: For those who are at a loss as how to sell themselves in 500 words or less, this site offers the opportunity to be described by your friend. It works on the premise your friend can sell you better than you can but they can also embarrass you too. MSF has a more chatty style in the profile and gives you a greater insight into your potential date’s world.

8. BeautifulPeople.com

How does it work? This online dating site does exactly what it says on the tin and only people deemed beautiful enough will be allowed to join. To become a member, applicants are required to be voted in by existing members of the opposite sex. Members rate new applicants over a 48-hour period based on whether or not they find the applicant ‘beautiful’. It sounds harsh, but the site claims that by admitting people based on their looks they’re removing the first hurdle of dating, saying that because everyone on the site is a fitty, members can concentrate on getting to know people’s character and personalities. Beautiful People also promises access to exclusive parties and top guest lists around the globe. Now for that brutal 48-hour wait…

How much does cost? If you buy a 6-month membership, you’ll get a reduced price of £7.50 per month.

The experts say: This infamous dating site claims to have no unattractive members and is known for deleting members who gained weight. Aspiring members have to pass a 48-hour peer vote to be accepted as one of the ‘beautiful people’. They regularly host members’ events where allegedly you have to look as attractive as your profile photo otherwise entry to the venue is refused. This is the ideal site for those who want to bypass the usual filtering of profiles based on looks and focus on getting to know people they know they will be attracted to.

9. Doingsomething

How does it work? Let’s face it, meeting up with a complete stranger for a first date can be awkward and hideously cringeworthy. But it’s less so when the date itself is a total riot. This is where Doingsomething.co.uk comes in. The site is all about the actual dating experience and let’s you pick a match based on the date idea they’ve suggested. And the more fun and unique the date the better. So, rather than nervously meeting someone for a luke warm coffee in a crowded chain, you could be trying out your culinary skills at a sushi-making masterclass or bonding over super-strong cocktails at a hipster speakeasy. It’s basically about finding someone who wants to do the same things as you at the end of the day, isn’t it?

How much does it cost? £10 per month.

The experts say: It’s a simple and unique approach to online dating which is great for those looking for fun and interesting ideas for first dates. Sign up is quick and easy without the usual numerous questions and sections to fill in, the hardest part is thinking what you would like to do on a date that might attract like-minded people.

10. Tastebuds

How does it work? A similar taste in music can be a great indicator as to whether you’re compatible with someone, so the fine folks behind Tastebuds have struck gold with their music-based online datingsite. Getting started is dead simple: pick three artists or bands that you’re interested in, the gender you’re looking to date and press ‘go’. It’s a fun and relaxed site, which can introduce you to new music, concert buddies and potentially even your own real-life Caleb Followill.

How much does it cost? It’s free for exisiting members, but £8 per month for new members.

The experts say: This is one of the best online dating sites for those looking for love who also love music. It makes sense that if a potential partner shares your taste in music then you’re off to a good start and a favourite artist/band is a great ice breaker when approaching someone online for the first time.

TOMORROW WE'LL LOOK AT SOME FUNNY STORIES ABOUT ON LINE DATING!!

Men over 40 ... Dating

Hi, something new today.....DATING

So, you are over 40 and you've found yourself 'back in the game', well if you have dated for a couple of years you are in for a shock.

A lot of things have changed but, so take a breath, a lot of things are still the same.
So lets start with why you should be confident about getting out there. Here are some facts about men over 40 and why we are a good gamble.

• Older guys are better in bed. Usually...

• Older guys are more established in their career, and they have more time dating

• Older guys have more interests and hobbies to include a new partner…

• Older guys are also in a better place financially.

So remember when we first started looking for a 'significant other' it was all bars and clubs. The good news is, if you don't want to shout your lungs out or have the courage of a lion to approach a woman, there are alternatives.

Of course you can still go down that route but chances are all your old 'wingmen' are now probably married. This leaves you to trawl on your own...and that can make you look a bit creepy.

Work is an option, however, if it doesn't work out it could end up..AWKWARD...

One of the most popular routes now is 'on line' dating. 

There are lots of sites from the 'free' to the 'very expensive'. Of course these too can have their pitfalls.

We'll cover them later, but first we'll look at tips to start you off...

1. Know what you're looking for. 

Before diving into the online dating sea, you should be aware of what type of relationship you're after. Whether it's a no-strings-attached rendezvous, casual dating or a serious relationship, pick one and create your profile with that in mind.

2. Put yourself in the shoes of your potential date.

Most women on these sites get dozens of messages a day. Many will be almost pornographic, others simply trawling..make sure you stand out, Try humour, or something more unusual.

3. Show, don't tell.

A lot of men make 'statements' such as 'genuine sense of humour' 'I'm bonkers' 'Really funny guy' Chances are if you need to tell, you're not. Instead show you are funny. Oh and if you say 'I'm cool' I think you're probably not.

4. The best type of profile picture may not be what you think.

Surprisingly the worst picture you can post if you want women to respond is one of you smiling and looking at the camera. According to surveys the best performing photos show a guy looking away from the camera, and not smiling.

Try and make the picture show your character...oh and wear clothes...jeeeez

5. Personalize your greeting.

Instead of the generic 'Hi' use something more unusual.

"Yoooo Hooooo"....

6. Message as you would in real life

Be conversational. You wouldn't walk up to a woman in the street and start asking her what colour underwear she was wearing, so don't do it on line. Many women complain that all they get on dating sites is sexually explicit language. If you really want a date, be classy.

7. If you like her, ask her out. 

May sound obvious but,,,, if you like her,ask her out. In order to set her mind at ease that you are not a serial killer,,,even if you are,,,then suggest a daytime meet somewhere busy.

8. Don't play games.

If your interested fine, if your not then don't be a dick, let her know. Women are far more astute than us dumb fellah's and will soon sniff you out!

9. Don't Lie

If you put on your profile your 6 foot and are 4 foot 3...I kinda think you're going to get found out. So be honest and use a recent photo.

Tomorrow we'll look at the best dating sites.

If you enjoy this blog, let me know, also use the share buttons.

NB Also check out the tabs at the top, they may make you smile!

Practical Ways to Help with Male Depression - SLEEP Part 3

In Today's issue we are going to focus again sleep and some of several ways to practically deal with male depression.

#3 Today - SLEEP

SLEEP AND DEPRESSION

Good Day to you...hope you slept well.
Yesterday we looked at sleep and some practical ways to help with the issue of 'Waking up frequently during the night.'

Today we are going to look at my favourite - Can't Get Out of Bed,

Depression can be exhausting. As simple as it might sound, getting out of bed can feel like an impossible task when caught in the grips of depression. But laying around in bed isn’t the best strategy for fighting depression.  Here are a few tips – things to keep in mind – that will help you rise up, get out of bed, and move on with your day.


Start with the simplest step

When you’re depressed, it can feel like you don’t have enough energy to even get out of bed. In this case, think of the simplest thing you have to do that day. Maybe this is getting up and having a glass of water or juice. Maybe it’s brushing your teeth. You may not think so while lying in bed, but once you’re up you’ll have more energy.


Recognise how hard this is

If you manage to get yourself up and going. WELL DONE... take a second to recognise that this is actually a really difficult thing to do when depressed. Whatever you’re going to do for the day, you’ve already got getting out of bed done and crossed off the list. Use the momentum to carry you on to your next small task.

Don’t use sleep to escape or avoid life

Sometimes you want to stay in bed, pull the covers over your head, and forget everything you’re feeling or worrying about. This is totally normal when you’re depressed because it can feel like everything is working against you. But staying in bed isn’t a solution – it doesn’t make problems or responsibilities disappear. Instead, it leads to poorer quality sleep and feeling worse. Think of getting out of bed as one small way to fight back against depression.

Been There

This is a particular symptom of my own depression. To try and explain this to people who are lucky enough not to have experienced the affliction is very difficult. The biggest thing to realise is not to punish yourself for feeling this way, it's OK. Tomorrow is another day, As I said above, if you can get out of bed and make a drink then WELL DONE it is a massive achievement. 

REMEMBER - If you need help contact your GP or online help sites.

THE HIGHEST SUICIDE RATE OF MEN IS OVER 40 YEARS OF AGE AND IT IS INCREASING.

Tomorrow we are going to take a break from depression and look at some different issues that effect the 'middle aged' man.

Thank you for reading. Any comments would be gratefully received.

Remember - Be a hero, share this blog, you may save a man's life,

Practical Ways to Help with Male Depression - SLEEP Part 2

In Today's issue we are going to focus again sleep and some of several ways to practically deal with male depression.

#2 Today - SLEEP

SLEEP AND DEPRESSION

Good Day to you...hope you slept well.
Yesterday we looked at sleep and some practical ways to help with the issue of 'Not being able to fall asleep'.

Today we are going to look at 'Waking up frequently during the night.'

Waking up during the night is a common problem when depressed and can be very frustrating. Thankfully, there are some things you can try to limit how often you wake up and make it easier to fall back asleep.

It’s important to keep in mind that as people get older (like me), they tend to wake up more often during the night. So, just because you’re waking up at night doesn’t necessarily mean you have some underlying problem that’s causing it.

Avoid afternoon naps

If you struggle to stay asleep, you should try to avoid taking naps during the day so that you’ll be more tired when night comes around. But — and this is a big “but” — if you need to do something where your or others’ safety will be in danger if you don’t nap (like driving home after work, for instance) take a snooze for no more than 30 minutes. Any longer than that, and you’ll enter deep sleep, which can affect your night time rest.

Limit alcohol consumption

You may think having some booze can help you sleep, but in reality it really wrecks your sleep cycle. You probably be able to fall asleep faster, (or pass out!) but because alcohol interferes with your sleep cycle, you’ll end up waking during the night, (either to use the loo or puke). So you won't get a good nights sleep. 

Limit all drinks before sleep
As I said above, a full bladder makes a restful sleep very difficult. If getting up to go to the loo is a problem, try limiting how much liquid you drink before bed. For some men, drinking anything within an hour or two of bed will always send them to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Try and have a glass of water first thing in the morning so you don’t start off the day dehydrated.

Avoid your phone

I know it's difficult in this 24 hour multi social media age, but, try to avoid looking at your phone before you go to sleep. Do you really need to know that 'Tracy in IT' has had her nails done or the latests slightly racist meme from your right wing friendly nutter? If you just have to check, then try and use the 'night mode' the light emitted is moved to a bluer spectrum which effects your sleep pattern less.

Sleep well tonight.

Tomorrow we'll look at the issue of 'not being able to get out of bed.'

If you need any help or advice don't wait...contact your GP 

Please share this Blog via any platform you use. Be a hero, you may save someones life.

Practical Ways to Help with Male Depression - SLEEP

In Today's issue we are going to focus on the first, of several ways to practically deal with male depression.

#1 Today - SLEEP

SLEEP AND DEPRESSION

Your nights sleep effects how you feel during the day...pretty obvious...I know. But have you ever thought why you sleep? There is of course physical tiredness but, on the whole we sleep to maintain our brain function. Failure to do this is one trigger for depression.

Did you Know? - It's estimated that about 90% of men suffering with depression have sleep issue. (I am one of them!)

A problems with your sleep is one of the first possible indicators that you may have a problem with depression. When you can't get enough sleep you can become irritable, have problems thinking clearly, issue with problem solving, tiredness (obviously) and get stressed.

Did you know? - We spend a third of our lives asleep.

The most common problems related to sleep when depressed:
1) Not being able to fall asleep, 
2) Waking up frequently during the night.
3) Not being able to get out of bed.

During the next couple of day's we will look all three problems, but, today we'll look at:-

Not Being Able to Fall Asleep

Don’t lie around waiting to fall asleep

Lying in bed thinking about not being able to sleep can be a stressful cycle. The more you think
about it, the more it bothers you, the less chance you have of getting back to sleep. If you’re not
able to fall asleep after 15 minutes, try getting up and doing something quiet and relaxing
instead, reading is good... (and if you are looking for something great to read, check out my
'about me' tab...plug plug) . Once you’re feeling sleepy, go back to bed.


Try not to take your worries to bed with you.

I no this can sometimes be easier said than done but.. bed-time is not a good time to plan, solve problems, or anything else that requires mental energy. Before going to bed, make a to-do list for the next day and set it aside. The list will still be there in the morning and you can work on it with a fresh mind in the morning

Relax

May sound obvious but If you’re agitated or wound up for some reason when you go to bed, it’s going to be hard to fall asleep. Try some relaxation techniques like deep breathing to lower your heart rate and calm your body down.

Light 

Bright lights can mess with your sleep-wake cycle. If you get up in the night and need help seeing, try using dim lights to find your way. They won’t disrupt your sleep cycle as much. Oh, and turn your phone off..or, like me, place it on it's screen.

Avoid Caffeine and Ciggies

Both the above can effect your sleep. We all know the effects of coffee. Dr's suggest that we do not indulge in either any later than 2pm!!! 

SO TOMORROW WE WILL LOOK AT WAKING FREQUENCY...although for me that tends to me managed by my 7 year old Jack Russel Dog!

THANKS FOR READING...PLEASE SHARE, YOU NEVER KNOW YOU MAY SAVE SOMEONE LIFE....BE A HERO !

Signs of depression in Men

In Today's Issue

Depression in Men

Help Sites

Something Lighter

Question Impossible

The Trivial Top 10

Finish with a Joke

As I wrote yesterday, we men, we like to think of ourselves as strong and in control of our emotions. When we feel hopeless or overwhelmed by despair we often deny it or try to cover it up. But depression is a common problem that affects many of us at some point in our lives. 

Here are signs and symptoms of depression in men.

Men tend to be less able at recognising the symptoms of depression than women. We men are more likely to deny feelings, hide them from ourselves and others, or try to mask them with other behaviours.

 
While men may experience recognisable symptoms of depression such as a 'down' mood, loss of interest in work or hobbies, weight and sleep disturbances, fatigue, and concentration problems, we are more likely than women to experience “stealth” depression symptoms such as anger, substance abuse, and agitation.

The three most commonly overlooked signs of depression in men are:

1. Physical pain. Sometimes depression in men shows up as physical symptoms—such as backache, frequent headaches, sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, or digestive disorders—that don’t respond to normal treatment.
2. Anger. This could range from irritability, sensitivity to criticism, or a loss of your sense of humour to road rage, a short temper, or even violence. Some men become abusive or controlling.
3. Reckless behavior. A man suffering from depression may exhibit escapist or risky behavior such as pursuing dangerous sports, driving recklessly, or engaging in unsafe sex. You might drink too much, abuse drugs, or gamble compulsively.

How to know if you’re depressed

If you identify with several of the following, you may be suffering from depression.

1. You feel hopeless and helpless
2. You’ve lost interest in friends, activities, and things you used to enjoy
3. You’re much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
4. You’re consuming more alcohol, engaging in reckless behavior, or self-medicating
5. You feel restless and agitated
6. Your sleep and appetite has changed
7. You can’t concentrate or your productivity at work has declined
8. You can’t control your negative thoughts

Tomorrow we will look at some practical stratergies to help.

If you need help now contact your GP or look at sites such as :-

In the UK - The NHS Mental Health Help Site - Link -

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

In the USA - Link -

https://www.psychguides.com/guides/depression-hotline/

SOMETHING LIGHTER

Question Impossible.

So, here I'm going to ask you a question, it's pretty hard, in fact, it's nearly impossible.

What is the world's most expensive book ?, Who wrote it ?. And how much was it sold for ?

Answer below...

Ever wondered what the worlds best selling book is ??....here's the Top 10.

10 - The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe - 85 million sales

9 - Alice in Wonderland - 100 million

8 - Dream of the Red Chamber ( Chinese ) - 100 million

7 - And Then There Were Non - 100 million

6 - The Hobbit - 100 million

5 - Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone - 107 million

4 - Le Petit Prince ( France ) - 140 million

3 - The Lord of the Rings - 150 million

2 - The Tale of Two Cities - 200 million

1 - The Bible - 500 million +

Random Joke of the Day -

I have kleptomania, but when when it gets bad…
I just take something for it...

So I asked ..... What is the world's most expensive book ?, Who wrote it ?. And how much was it sold for ?.

The world's most expensive paper document is Leonardo da Vinci's journal, Codex Leicester, which sold for $30.8 million ( £24 million ) in 1994. The Bay Psalm Book was the first book printed in what became the United States and this copy was owned by the Old South Church in Boston.

Karma Suits You - A Guide for Middle Aged Men Who've Not (YET) Given Up

So gentlemen and of course ladies here is a Blog for, as the title suggests, middle aged men who are still in the 'game'.

Let me introduce myself, I am Neville, Writer, Broadcaster, Occasional Stand up...regular sitdown.

I have published several books and work with several charities mainly ones that support people with mental health issues. 

I'll get something right out in the open straight away, I've suffered from depression for well over a decade now, and suspect that I may have been afflicted with this condition most of my life. You see men, like you and me, are taught to be strong, not to show emotion, be a man! As a consequence we don't share and keep things bottled up and filed in little boxes in our heads. This is fine of course until your boxes are full. 

Many women, not all of course, have the fantastic ability to be able to talk and share their feelings with their peers. In many cases they are more readily open to seek out help. Women are more likely to visit a GP whilst, us men... well we'll wait until something goes green or starts to fall off. Men think in physical terms rather than esoteric they will try and fix that engine rather than talk to it and ask what's wrong.

So part of this Blog will be to provide practical ways to help or steer fellah's in the direction to find help. I am not a health professional but I am a person who knows how you feel and know what worked for me. 

I also want to use this Blog as a guide for men of a 'certain age' who've not yet 'given up'. We are told now that due to increases in life expectancy fifty is the new forty and forty is the new thirty. It's now OK to be over fifty and wear a T shirt and jeans!

So in this Blog will be style tips as well as, if you're single, dating tips, I've been there and done that as well!

There will of course be humour and bits and bobs that I hope you find interesting. I'm sure that this site will develop with time and will become more bespoke to the readers. If you have any ideas please do not hesitate to let me know.

So, thanks for reading. I will add and build within the next couple of days...STAY TUNED.

Neville